Originally read May 2016 at Colt's and Spencer's high school graduation (with a nod to Jeff Foxworthy).
If disappointment spills through your van because the dead
skunk just trumped everyone in the contest they were having – you might be the
mom of a teenage boy.
If you have logged hundreds of miles and hours driving to
and from practice – you might be the mom of a teenage boy.
If you have ever found rubber bands on your ceiling fan or
in your plants – you might be the mom of a teenage boy.
If your kitchen water glasses double as an instrument and your kitchen table doubles as a ping-pong table – you might be the mom of a teenage boy.
If even you are impressed that the youth leader can drink a
2-liter bottle of soda in under 2 mins. – you might be the mom of a teenage boy.
If you have ever had to ask if the soccer game on the TV
screen is live or X-box – you might be the mom of a teenage boy.
If after a youth soccer game, shin guards and cleats are
used for a biology experiment – you might
be the mom of a teenage boy
If you hear a trumpet sound early in the morning, two pairs
of feet running down the stairs quickly, and then Thud -- OWWWW! “Mom!!!!!” – you might be the mom of a teenage boy
If you have declined the offer to put your 8 lb. maltipoo puppy into
a 5-gallon shop bucket – you might be the
mom of a teenage boy
If you have ever waited giggling in the next room for the
remote fart app to be detonated – you might be the mom of a teenage boy.
If you have ever washed a Captain America hoodie or Batman
socks – you might be the mom of a teenage boy
If you open your new-to-you Coach purse and find a 2-week-old
egg in it – you might be the mom of a
teenage boy
If you open your Bible and find the church sermon notes
folded carefully into a paper airplane – you
might be the mom of a teenage boy
If you have to open your van window in 20-degree weather
after giggles and a foul stench – you
might be the mom of a teenage boy
If as a 40-year-old you have ever had to execute a sneak
attack or been tackled for a hug – you might
be the mom of a teenage boy
If your smart phone automatically changes the word “Okay” to
“That would be peachy” and you cannot change it back – you might be the mom of a teenage boy
If your smart phone changes your 2nd-born’s name
to “my first and favorite child, highly skilled in the arts of ballooning,
computer technology, and hundreds of other activities. A.K.A. the most interesting youth in
the world” – you might be the mom of a
teenage boy
If 4 gallons of milk, 1 gallon of ice cream, 4 pizzas and
Oreos are staples in your weekly grocery cart – you might be the mom of a teenage boy
If napkins fly into drinks at family dinner and the meal
ends with a belch – you might be the mom
of a teenage boy
If bathroom cleanliness is NOT next to Godliness – you might be the mom of a teenage boy
If you have ever pondered the olfactory power of the 7
vultures on the side of the road snacking on a fragrant dead skunk – you might be the mom of a teenage boy
If you have to bend your neck back and look up to discipline and stand on your tippy toes to snag a hug – you might be the mom of a teenage boy
If your house is lively past 11pm but silent and peaceful
until 10 am – you might be the mom of a
teenage boy
If you drive below the speed limit on the way home because
conversation is finally flowing – you might
be the mom of a teenage boy
If you are praying for the strength to one day let go of and
give away a piece of your heart to the girl who captivates his – you might be the mom of a teenage boy
If you are working yourself out of a job but feel blessed
beyond words for this season to touch his life … you might be the mom of a
teenage boy.
Fingerprints of the Lord
Christine A. McCloy
